If I Died Tomorrow
If You Died Tomorrow, Would the People You Love Know. Not
Just by Your Words, But by Your Life. How Much They Mean to You?
Let me ask you something that might make you uncomfortable:
If you died tomorrow, what would the people you love remember about you?
Not what you “said” you believed. Not what you “claimed”
you valued. Not the words you posted on social media or the things you talked
about when it was convenient.
What would they remember about how you actually “lived”?
Because here's the hard truth: Your legacy isn't built on
what you say. It's built on what you do when love costs you something, and
sometimes everything.
We live in a world where everyone has something to say
about almost everything. Many people have opinions, beliefs, values they'll
defend online or in conversation. People will tell you all day long that
they're good people, that they love their spouse, their children, their family,
their friends, and that faith matters to them, that they’ll do anything for the
people they care about.
Words are easy to say. It's the “actions” and the
sacrifices, and the showing up, and staying with those you love through the
rough patches, when it's hard, that reveal who you really are. Anyone can show
up to a party or a celebration, but are you there through the struggles?
Through the hard times? During the sorrow, the pain and the suffering?
I've experienced it both ways. I've seen people, even
family who talk a great game but disappear when things get very difficult, and
your world is crumbling. And I've also experienced close friends, who stay
right by your side to be there for you and your family, to make sure you get
through the challenges, making sure you are not alone.
The question is: Which one are you?
If the people in your life had to describe you based purely
on your actions over the last year, not your words, not your intentions, but
what you actually did, what would they say? Would they say you were present?
Sacrificial? Faithful? Or would there be a gap between who you claim to be and
who you actually showed up as?
Let me tell you what I learned about love during the
hardest years of my life.
When my wife was suffering with lung cancer, I could have
said "I love you" a thousand times a day, and it wouldn't have meant the
same thing if I wasn't there. If I wasn't sitting with her when she felt her
worst, and every hour felt like days. If I wasn't taking care of the house and
the kids while working 70+ hours a week to keep us afloat. If I wasn't holding
her hand through the pain, the fear, the exhaustion of a six-year battle with
cancer. The words wouldn’t have meant the same.
Love isn't just a feeling. It's not just words. Love is
what you do when it costs you everything.
After my strokes, when I was forced to stop working and my
dying wife had to take care of me, I could have been bitter. I could have been
angry. But instead, I was given a gift I didn't even know I needed: time. Time
to be with her. Time to show her, not with grand gestures or perfect words, but
with my presence, my patience, my willingness to be vulnerable and let her care
for me the way I had cared for her.
And in those final two and a half years, my kids watched.
They saw me be there every single day. They saw me sacrifice my pride, my
health, my plans, and put her first. They saw me sit with her, hold her, pray
with her, laugh with her, cry with her.
They didn't need me to tell them I loved their mother. They
saw it. And that, that is the legacy I left them. Not my words. My life. They
knew I would have willingly died in her place to save her life, my love for
Chrissy was sincere and true, she was my everything. So many times, through her
suffering I would sing to her, even in public.
The hardest most saddest moment in my life was when she
looked at me in her final moments and said, "Jim, I'm dying," and she
fell into my arms, I thank God, I was there. Not because I said I would be. But
because I had been there all along. And she knew it. Our kids knew it. God knew
it.
That's what real love looks like. It's not a performance.
It's not something you announce. It's something you live, especially when no
one's watching, especially when it's hard, especially when it costs you
something.
So, here's what I want you to think about this week:
What does your life, not your words, but your actual
day-to-day choices, say about what you value?
Do you tell your spouse, children, your friends and family
that you love them, but then ignore them when you're with them because you're
glued to your phone?
Do you claim to be a person of faith, but your life looks
no different than someone who doesn't believe in anything at all?
Do you say you'd do anything for the family and friends you
love, but when they actually need you; when it's inconvenient to you, when it's
too costly, when it really requires true sacrifice of your time and maybe even
your money, you're nowhere to be found? Many families suffer in situations like
this.
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm trying to wake
you up. Because the people you love are watching. And one day, when you're
gone, they're going to remember who you were, not who you said you were.
Here's the beautiful thing, though: It's not too late.
You can start today. Right now. You can close the gap
between your words and your life. You can choose to show up. You can choose to
sacrifice. You can choose to love in a way that's real, tangible, undeniable.
You don't need to make some big announcement about it. You
don't need to post about it or tell everyone what you're doing. You just need
to do it. Quietly. Faithfully. Consistently. The people you love will notice it
and that’s all that truly matters.
Spend time with the people you love, real time, not
distracted time. Put your phone down. Turn off the TV. Sit with them. Listen to
them. Be present.
Tell them you love them, yes, but more importantly, show
them. Through your actions. Through your sacrifices. Through the way you
prioritize them over everything else that's competing for your attention.
And if you've been absent, if you've been all talk and no
action, if there's a gap between who you claim to be and who you've actually
been, own it. Apologize. Make it right. And then start living differently.
Because your legacy isn't what you leave behind in your Will.
It's not your house, your car, your possessions, your money, all of that means
nothing. Your legacy is what you leave in the hearts of those you love. It's
the memory of who you were when it mattered. It's the proof that your love was
real.
So, here's my challenge for you this week:
Pick one person in your life who matters to you, and show
them, through a specific action, not just words, that they're important to you.
Maybe it's your spouse. Surprise them with something that
shows you've been paying attention to what they need, not just what's easy for
you.
Maybe it's your children. Spend uninterrupted time with
them doing something they want to do, not what's convenient for you.
Maybe it's a friend who's been struggling. Show up. Check
in. Be there in a much more tangible way. Be loving and supportive to them. They need you now.
Maybe it's someone you've hurt or neglected. Reach out.
Apologize. Make it right.
Don't just tell them they matter. Show them.
Because love without action is just noise. And when you're
gone, people won't remember what you said. They'll remember what you did.
They'll remember whether you showed up. They'll remember whether your life
matched your words.
Make sure it does.
These essays will continue every Friday, exploring
different questions to help us all wake up to what really matters. I hope
you'll come back and walk this journey with me. We're all in this together,
building Legacy’s that really matter.
©2026 James Dacey, Jr., OFS
